I'm a dreamer who still survives,
up until now I'm still wondering when I will get a happiness.
I still remember clearly the time I used to pray devotedly, diligently to God,
I do everything I could do,
I innocently think that my prayers will come true,
Then day by day it comes, and it isn't (yet) to be mine,
Am I wrong? I (think) I have done everything I could.
Is the problem is on myself? I've prayed and tried my best.
Am I unworthy enough to succeed? Then I'm wondering if I really want it or it is only a mere obsession.
Don't I deserve happiness? God, after I've been through a lot, now I even scared of hoping and praying anything I want. It is only You that knows what's best for me.
I don't want to blame my own self in the past,
I'm weak enough to be blamed.
I will stand for myself so that I will keep standing.
I have to forgive my own self for my every mistakes, just like I forgave others.
I believe you've prepared your destiny for me.
After such a rumbling I felt in my heart,
I know and realize that what other people gets so damn easily but I can't reach it even if I teared the last drop of my blood is not my mistakes.
It's just... the price that I have to pay in order to get this lesson,
the price that I have to pay to be wiser, stronger, more enduring.
It may sound cliche, but I still feel blessed with that failures, so that I won't immaturely and innocently hope for something that is not the only way.
There are ways to get happiness and peace even without it.
I do really believe that someday I will smile with no more pain left behind when reading this post, remembering what I've been through, and I will salute my own self.
I just.... still working to get that "someday" and haven't meet that "someday" yet.
Dear God, I only want happiness now..............