How I Know

how do I know if I am falling in love or not?
every cheesy articles seems relatable to read,
every "galau-tausiyah" feels not as cheesy as I read before,
every love songs are addictive to listen,

every time I am going outside home,
I prepare a sudden meet if there will be you,
every time I wear makeup,
I want you to see that I could be more beautiful,
every time I feel alone,
I imagine if you could be here with me,
every time I see another girl chases you,
I feel insecure and want myself to stop being stupid,
every time you react of anything I did,
I exaggerate myself again,

I really hate myself when I think about you,
I feel like I am not my usual self,
I am harsh to myself to keep myself sane,
I don't want to lose my rationality just because I like you

My selfishness want me to keep my pride,
I want to stop hoping,
Even though you are annoying to always popping up in my head,
I want you to know that I am really thankful to meet you,
Because I could heal my wounded self from my past,
Sorry if I didn't treat you better,
I just want to protect my fragile heart from unwanted hope,
Because I know it will hurt myself deeply if I hope too much,
Do I have to forget about you? Let's see..